Family Forum: Staying Safe at Home and On the Go

The news earlier this month that Leiby Kletzky, an 8-year-old Brooklyn boy, was murdered by a stranger he met on the way home from a day camp, just blocks from where his mother waited for him, sent chills into the hearts of all parents who read his tragic story.

We are all terrified of our child being harmed. And yet none of us also wants to be a over-controlling “helicopter parent” who raises a child so fearful that he or she never becomes a confident adult, capable of taking calculated risks.

Two Redmond experts offer great tips this week on what really poses a threat to our kids and how we as parents can help our children stay safe. 

Risk factors

Kim Estes is an Eastside mom, certified child safety educator and sexual abuse prevention specialist. She is the founder of Redmond-based Savvy Parents Safe Kids, which offers workshops for parents, PTAs and educators. The organization’s website offers a wealth of safety tips including a popular “Super Ten” Rules for Safety, which parents can print out and post on the family fridge to help them coach kids to make safer choices. Estes began specializing in child safety in 2006 after a predatory incident occurred at her child’s Eastside school.

Estes says that there are kids who are at more risk of harm than others. These include “kids who have limited or no safety knowledge, with kids without basic safety knowledge being at the greatest risk for being victims, kids who lack an understanding of personal boundaries, kids who do not have any safe grown-up to talk to or to be watching out for them, kids who are starved for attention and kids whose parents think, 'it won’t happen to us.'"

Estes points out kids are most likely to be victimized by someone they know already, not a stranger.

“Over 90 percent of crimes committed against children are by someone that the child knows," she said. "Not strangers.”

Here are some red flags indicating that someone might be “grooming” a child to be sexual exploited, according to Estes: someone who seems "too good to be true," tries to arrange alone, one-on-one time with your child, gives you a bad gut feeling, who shares inappropriate information with children that would normally be shared with just adults and lacks boundaries or does not respect your child’s boundaries.

“If your child does not want to be around a particular person, pay attention to this," Estes said.

Kids are prone to becoming victims of sexual abuse and abduction if a predator gains a parent's trust as well as one-on-one access to the child at sleepovers or other activities at a relative's house or the child's own home, she said. Stranger abduction is rare, Estes said, and most often happens when kids are walking alone to or from school.

Jim Bove, community outreach facilitator for the , points out that pre-teens and teenagers can also face serious safety risks even though parents often worry most about their toddlers and elementary-age kids. Alcohol and drug use can put young people at risk for being involved in a DUI situation or becoming a victim of sexual assault, Bove said.

"Quite simply, we don’t make the same decisions when under the influence of alcohol that we would otherwise,” he said.

Prescription drugs are another serious safety risk, Bove said. He advises parents keep their prescriptions out of the reach of children and dispose of drugs that are no longer being used.

Teens who drive must also be coached how to stay safe on the road. Bove said parents should teach teens to avoid distractions, including loud music, other passengers, cell phones and other electronic devices.

The role of technology

Several cases of online bullying and "sexting," when teens send explicit images of themselves or peers via text message, have brought the issue of keeping kids safe on the Web to the forefront of many parents' minds in recent years.

Bove advises parents to continually monitor their children's computer use and keep track of what information they are sending and receiving.

“Many sex abuse victims have communicated with the perpetrator online—the relationship or friendship didn’t necessarily start online, but there is oftentimes evidence of an inappropriate relationship that was fostered by online communication,” he said.

Furthermore, because not all bullying happens in the school hallways these days, parents should know how to spot it online, Bove said.

“It’s important for parents and children to understand bullying, recognize it, and be able to stand up and say something when they witness it," he said. "Online communication and texting often contribute to this because people in general have 'cyber courage'...we often say things through technology that we wouldn’t say in person."

Ways to stay safe

Bove says the number one thing Eastside parents can do to help keep their children safe is to practice “open communication so they are not afraid to ask for help even after they may have made a mistake. This allows them to talk about how they will respond in a specific situation.

Adults also need to be good role models—these safety tips are ones that come into play regardless of age, yet many adults don’t follow them.

"What-if" role playing games can be another great way to teach children about safety, Bove said.

“It is human to react better if we have already thought through a situation—we are less likely to panic,”  Bove said.

He invites parents to the on Aug. 2 when Redmond families will be able to enjoy visiting with local law enforcement officers and learning how to have fun while staying safe.  More information is available here.

Editor's Note: Kim Estes has contributed to Redmond Patch as a freelance writer in the past.