Stop Talking to Me! How to (not) Talk about Safety with Your Tween.

Why you need to be speaking Their Language.

Today’s Tweens are power users of technology. However, technology did not create the sulky tween. Sulky, quiet Tween’s have been around for a long time, just ask your parents. Older kids are into talking to their peers, not always their parents but yet, they still want for parents to be their primary source for the important topics like sex, drugs and safety. So as parents, we need to show Tween’s that we are not afraid to reach out to them in ways that they can relate to. We also need to be creative in what methods we use to "talk" to our kids about safety. Embrace and model technology as communication tool to reach your tech savvy tween.

•  Initiate the conversation. Just remember to keep safety conversations short and sweet. (Short as in.... 15 SECONDS)
•  Don’t expect them to respond to your safety message. Just because they don’t say much back does not mean they did not hear you, or that your message was not heard.
•  Use texting, instant messaging and Facebook messaging to check in with your kids. Sometimes it is easier for kids to “talk” to their parents when they are not face to face with you. Sometimes even leaving notes for each other works.
•  If they do confide in you, don’t freak out if what they are telling you is difficult to swallow. Kids need for you to be calm when they are asking difficult questions or sharing dicey information.
•  Make sure your child has several trusted adults they can go and talk to (not just you). Talk about who (and why) your child chooses a specific safe adult to talk to.
• Take time each day to share “best part/worst part” of your day with each other. This creates a safe (and expected) place to talk about what is happening with each other.
• Share your own personal (age appropriate) experiences with your child about safety. This allows for your child to feel more comfortable and that you are relating to them and understanding their behavior.
•  Observe your teens Facebook posts, as teens will often post about and issue in a round about way and this can be a clue that something is happening in their world (e.g. I am frustrated with people, I had a bad day, not feeling good, etc.) Just be sure not to freak out or over analyze each and every post. Just be aware of clues they might be sending.
• Be soft with your approach when talking to your Tweens about safety issues.
• Find non-face-to-face places to talk (like in the car). Kids often feel more comfortable saying things to you when they are not actually looking AT you.

 Tweens are not “little adults” but in so many ways, they want to be treated more grown up. If you layer loads of safety rules on them that you are not willing to practice yourself, they will only see the rules as another way you are treating them like a “baby”.  When it comes to safety we want our children to be confident and strong. The more your tween see you modeling safe behavior, the more likely they will do the same.  Making safety a collaborative conversation and not a battle of the wills, can make the tween transition to safety a smoother one.