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Moms Talk: Living in the Present

Why now is better than those so-called "good old days."

When I was a kid I didn't have an Xbox or Wii.
I had a pushbike and a curfew, a.k.a. the street lights.
I lived outside, not inside.
If I didn't eat what my mum made then I didn't eat.
I didn't think of telling my mother "no" or dare to talk back (oooh I wish one of mine would, WHOP!!!) Life wasn't hard, it was Life…And I survived!
Repost if you drank water out of a hose and hand sanitizer didn't exist, but you COULD get your mouth washed out with soap for swearing and it wasn't child abuse!!
—Facebook meme

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MY MOTHER sometimes says that my daughter lives in the past. It’s true that she lives a different life than many other children. Her best friend lives next door. (He’s a boy, but she still adores him.) Rain or shine, they tromp through the backyards to each other’s houses as early as they can. (9 a.m. on the weekends has been the parental decree, and after school unless there are lessons of some kind.)

In bad weather, they play Legos and imagination games at one house till a parent calls the other house for them to come home for dinner. In good weather, it’s outside digging in the dirt or riding scooters till a parent hollers out a window or a kid takes a tumble and needs kisses and Band-Aids.

It is divine. It’s like having a second kid, only I don’t have to have a bedroom for him, or pay for his college. My husband and I finally agreed not to move for now, and it’s mostly because of this friendship.

So if anyone was going to agree with that Facebook meme, it’s probably me. I may have even hit the “like” button the first time I read it.

Then, I actually thought about it.

My girl has a Kinect and had a Wii. She used them on rainy days when her BF was unavailable. It keeps her active and engaged, not sitting mindless watching TV.

And speaking of watching TV, my girl does that too. She had shows that taught her math, how to read, and social lessons like sharing and good sportsmanship. Now she has shows that entertain the whole family, and get her hooked on things that I can use for other purposes.

Sure her curfew isn’t dusk, but it will be. I’m certain that it won’t be long until I’ll be calling her cell as it gets dark to get her home from the , or waiting with fresh cookies for a group of preteens to tromp home after a movie at

She eats what she eats, and I’m learning that that’s OK. We do make her take a single bite of everything we make, and she doesn’t get separate dinners, but if she wants to make a meal of ham, she can. And I’m thrilled that she doesn’t think she has to clean her plate because of starving children. (I never understood what my gluttony would do for kids in Africa anyway.)

She talks back sometimes. And I’m glad. I’m glad she has a strong enough spirit to stand up for herself, and I’m glad she’s careful enough of other people’s feelings to do it without being hurtful. It makes me feel that she’ll politely turn other kids down when they want her to do something she doesn’t think is right.

She doesn’t really live in the past, and I’m thrilled about that. As recently as my own childhood, I don’t think my little hapa girl would have had a very nice childhood, with all the societal racism. Heck, it wasn’t too many years ago that her dad and I wouldn’t have been allowed to marry. I’m grateful that she’ll only ever hear slurs from jerks whose opinions don’t matter.

I’m also grateful for hand sanitizer. (We get sick enough with everything that comes home from school.) I’m grateful for Amber Alerts. I’m grateful for clean drinking water, and that my daughter can swear without my world ending.

In fact…

When my daughter was a kid, she had an Xbox and a Wii, and still usually would rather play cards. She had a bike and a curfew and a very best friend.
She lived outside and inside, as her whims and the weather allowed. She ate what she liked of what I made, and she learned to trust her body to tell her she was full.
She told me what she thought, even when it was “no,” and talked back when she needed to, and she did it politely most of the time.
She never got hit and didn’t know anyone that did, because the adults around her didn’t accept child abuse.

Life was hard sometimes, because life is always hard
and she thrived!
Repost if your kid’s childhood is better than yours because you bust your ass to make it that way!!!
—My meme

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Willow Foster June 24, 2011 at 01:43 pm
Love it! I'm always baffled by people who would rather complain that the past was better than see how amazing the present it. (And it's such a selective memory at that!)
Stacy Jinks Hunt June 24, 2011 at 01:51 pm
Agreed! I don't think there's anything inherently bad for children about video games as long as that's not what they're doing all day long. Hana seems to have a healthy balance of indoor and outdoor activities.
I've known parents that denied their kids TV and video games so that they'll play outside more, but that just makes them do those things when they go over to their friends' houses. In my opinion, prohibiting a child from so called "time wasting activities" will ultimately encourage rebellion, lying, and resentment. If the kid is old enough to understand, talk it over with them. Ask them their opinion on how much time they should spend indoors and outdoors and what activities they'd like to do when. If the kid is spending too much time sitting around, help them make their own schedule to include homework, play, chores, and lounging. In school kids are used to having a schedule of lessons, recess, work, and crafts. Why not have one (all be it less rigorous) at home?
Annie Archer June 24, 2011 at 10:53 pm
Beautifully written Malia, I couldn't agree more. And I agree with Stacy, prohibition doesn't work, it just makes more headaches for parent and child.
Chris Macbeth July 2, 2011 at 02:46 am
Great article. I am glad that things are different for my kids than it was for me. They may not have the freedom I had to wander but they have many opportunities I did not and I am sure in no time my 6 year old will surpass me in computer skill. She too plays on her computer (educational games), kinect, and watches Disney chanel. But she also loves the outdoors and hiking, kicking a ball around or just running around and playing make believe.
Melissa July 16, 2011 at 12:52 am
And thanks for sharing your daughter with us! She plays wonderfully with both kids (not just her BF - even if he is a boy :-) and our little girl adores her (as the big sis she'll never have!).
Note Article
Just a short thought to get the word out quickly about anything in your neighborhood.
Share something with your neighbors. Write a new post... What's up? Make an announcement, speak your mind, or sell something
Jeanne Gustafson (Editor) June 5, 2013 at 10:18 am
What's your sun profile? Would someone be able to plant veggies, sunflowers?--or are you more cool,Read More wet, shady in your locale? And do you have a generic gmail account people can contact you at, to preserve your privacy?
Ariana Burgess June 13, 2013 at 09:36 am
Our front yard gets a fair amount of sun, it faces south. Back yard is more shady/wet. We've beenRead More trying to grow grass back there and just have never had good success. I would be open to whatever someone suggests for planting (veggies, sunflowers whatever). People can contact me at ariana at chris burgess dot com.
Jeanne Gustafson (Editor) June 6, 2013 at 06:36 am
Thanks for adding your comments, Stacey!
Carol June 6, 2013 at 08:39 am
Thanks for your responses! We love living here!
Carol June 8, 2013 at 09:02 am
Thanks Stacey!
Jeanne Gustafson (Editor) June 3, 2013 at 03:22 pm
Thanks for posting. For those who don't know, here's the address for Flying Apron: 16541 RedmondRead More Way, Ste E Redmond, WA 98052