Are teens trustworthy? According to teens, the answer is "no". This is how adults make them feel, anyway. When working with teens, I hear quite often that they wish that adults would trust them. Have you ever seen the way sales people at the mall act towards teenagers (ex. glaring at them, being rude)? Has your teen ever been collectively punished by the school system (ex. no backpacks, zero's for all)?
In the words of Ronald Reagan, our job as parents is to "trust but verify". He may have been talking about international politics, but it's just as important when parenting a teen. When I ask my teens to leave their phones downstairs, to check in with me when they arrive somewhere, or to let me check out their phone, sometimes they might defensively ask me, "Don't you trust me?" My explanation to them is that I do trust them, but my job as a parent is to help guide them. I also explain that it is natural for teenagers to test the boundaries. They don't like it, for sure, but it makes sense to them. By verifying, we help them to resist peer pressure and to make the right decisions. It also helps to keep them safe.
So parent, TRUST BUT VERIFY at the same time. Don't make your kids feel like they aren't trusted, but make them feel loved and cared for. It's a delicate balance, but it is possible.
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With Heart, Sheri Gazitt, Teen Wise
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